BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
