If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize