I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
