He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm lost and stupid without you.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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