im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
