help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
