it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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