I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
