My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
