so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This is the high leading the old right now
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
