Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Michael Bay diarrhea
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
