Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
