My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize