I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
