There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
