I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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