I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
