Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
