Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Semen is not good for contacts.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize