tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
