I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize