fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
