She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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