a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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