I'm lost and stupid without you.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize