Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
