Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
