DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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