You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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