perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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