went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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