Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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