I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think we might need a safe word for this...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
