Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
