you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
