doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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