Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My dad just said "fuck circus"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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