Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize