i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
