I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's blow job season.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize