mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
