i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
