I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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