dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you didnt know i had herpes?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize