Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
