someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
