i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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