i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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