that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
of course. lets lasso hookers.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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