I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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