even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize