i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
