You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
