garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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