Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
