I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
