How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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