dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
