We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
