wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Who died my cat blue again?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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