Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
