so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
