It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
