everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
