BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
