Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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