Small penises have feelings too.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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