just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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