Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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