was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I could fuck to npr.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
