He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
