I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
