Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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