Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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