I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
