just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
